>　　 SEVEN REASONS TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK
>
>
> 1. CURL UP AND DIE........I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
> three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo
> and a blow job?" - Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin TX
>
> 2. PAD PLEASE.......... An insurance man visited me at home to talk about
> our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me,
> and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run
> and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex
> right in front of our guest. - Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
>
> 3. HO, HO, HO............. I was taking a shower when my 2 year old son
came
> into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a
> mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few
> shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with
> each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the
> picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.
> Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in
addition
> to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but
a
> camera! - NameWithheld
>
> 4. LADY GOLFER................ I was at the golf store comparing different
> kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
> After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good
> looking gentlemen who works at the store. He
> asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I
> think I like playing with men's balls." - Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale,
MI
>
> 5. NUTS ABOUT YOU............My sister and I were at the mall and passed
by
> a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display
case,
> the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
> "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
> hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away. To
> this day, my sister has never let me forget. - Faye Emerick, 34,
Ellerslie,
> MD
>
> 6. PRICELESS.............A lady picked up several items at a discount
store.
> When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items
> had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the
> intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,
> "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough,
but
> somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word
> "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back
over
> the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE
KIND
> YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
>
> 7. MOM'S ADVICE......... A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back
of
> the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying
> attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite
> embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and
he
> was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's
office.
> He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did
it
> and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of
> the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his
desk
> with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom." she
> screamed. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out
> till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.
>